People are like potatoes


Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to watch others do. They are called “Speck Tators.”

 

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do things. They’re called “Comment Tators.”

 

Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your skin. They are called “Aggie Tators.”

 

There are those who are always saying they will, but somehow, they never get around to doing. We call them “Hezzie Tators.

 

Some people put on a front and act like someone else.They’re called “Emma Tators.”

 

Then, there are those who walk what they talk. They’re always prepared to stop what they’re doing to lend a hand to others and bring real sunshine into the lives of others. You can call them “Sweet Tators.”

February 6th, 2010, posted by JPRuss

Buying Deorderant

A [not too intelligent] lady walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the lady assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”

“But I always get it here,” says the lady.

“Do you have the container it comes in?”

“Yes!” says the lady, “I will go and get it.”

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”

The annoyed women snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: “To apply, remove cap and push up bottom.”

Now, I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells

awesome

September 25th, 2009, posted by JPRuss

All Dogs goto Heaven

Do Dogs go to Heaven? Hysterical! These two churches face each other across a busy street.

All Dogs 1

All Dogs 2

All Dogs 3

All Dogs 4

All Dogs 5

All Dogs 6

All Dogs 7

All Dogs 8

All Dogs 9

September 2nd, 2009, posted by JPRuss

A letter from XYZ to Microsoft

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1.

After connecting to Internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2.

We are unable to enter anything after we click the ’shut down ‘ button.

3.

There is a button ’start’ but there is no “stop” button. We request you to check this.

4.

We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friend clicked ‘run ‘ has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to “sit”, so that we can click that by sitting.

5.

One doubt is that any ‘re-scooter’ available in system? As I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

6.

There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ‘ find’, but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7.

Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my ‘mouse’ from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8.

Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning ‘HEARTS’ (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.

9.

My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when u will provide that?

Best regards,

August 26th, 2009, posted by JPRuss

Ponderisms

Can you cry under water?


How important does a person have to be before they are considered

assassinated instead of just murdered?




Why do you have to “put your two cents in”… But it’s

only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra

penny going to?



Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you

were buried in for eternity?




Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


What disease did cured ham actually have?



How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it

would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?




Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake

up like every two hours?



If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a

hearing?


Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?



Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put

money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?




Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to

see you naked anyway.



Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?



Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a

horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?



If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song

about him?


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?


If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a

coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?



Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They’re both DOGS.


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from

vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from

morons?


Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the

same tune?


Why did you just try singing the two songs above?


Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but

call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?


Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad

at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out

the window?


 

 

August 12th, 2009, posted by JPRuss

Funny Out-Of-Office E-Mail Auto-Replys

Out of office replies can either be really useful (for you) and really annoying (for the people getting the reply).To keep them from getting too angry (or not angry enough), here are some good responses to provide to people looking to contact you with some humor before you

Read More…

August 2nd, 2009, posted by JPRuss

Estimatation

The author of the Windows File Copy Dialog visits some friends!

Funny Estimation

August 1st, 2009, posted by JPRuss

The Facts of Life

You’ve seen me send them before!

All those big lists of so-called “facts”. Well here’s a summary from Josh (lazyboys) in video form!

The Facts of life!

Hope you enjoy it./P

Read More…

July 30th, 2009, posted by JPRuss

You Don’t Know Jack Schitt

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt”. After this, you can handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in a Shitt-Happens double ceremony.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. Now, when someone says you don’t know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.

July 28th, 2009, posted by JPRuss

The Top Signs the economy is bad

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail

I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank

Hotwheels and matchbox car companises are now trading higher then GM in the stock market

Obamba met with small business - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM to discuss the Stimulus Package

McDonalds is selling the 1/2 ouncer.

People in Beverly Hills are forced to fire their nannies and learn their own children’s names

People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethipia are telling kids, “finish your plate, do you know how many kids are starving in America?”

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Any most favorite indicicator of allĀ 

If the bank returns your check marked s “insufficient funds” you have to call and ask them if they meant you or them.

July 27th, 2009, posted by JPRuss