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Here’s a funny tech support message regarding some guy installing “Wife 1.0″

I found it amusing, hope you will aw well:

From The Page:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,

Troubled User…..

(Don’t miss the reply ->)

Read More…

In the dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news;

“There is no easy way to tell you this so I’ll just be blunt. Prepare ourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a quick, violent and orrible death this year.

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the Tarot cards, the psychic’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her trembling hands. she took a few deep breaths to try to compose herself. She imply had to know. She met the Tarot reader’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:    “Will I get away with it?

“I’M GOING FISHING”
Means: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

IT’S A GUY THING”
Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical”.

“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR…”
Means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
Means: “I have no idea how it works.”

“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.”
Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”

“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD”.
Means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Means: “Are you still talking?”

“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES”.
Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

“OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”

“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING”.
Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

“I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely
clueless.”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Means: “What did you catch me at?”

“I HEARD YOU.”
“I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.”
Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.”
Means: “Please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”

“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

“WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”
Means: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”

A messy desk is a sign of creativity and imagination. There is something about a messy desk that makes it look like work has been done. Many of the smartest people in history were so involved in their work that they did not bother to tidy things like their desk.

A desk that is too clean and tidy gives the impression that you have no on-going work and might need more work. You can have that, so here are some tips to keep your desk messy.

Read More…

A messy desk is a sign of creativity and imagination. There is something about a messy desk that makes it look like work has been done. Many of the smartest people in history were so involved in their work that they did not bother to tidy things like their desk.

A desk that is too clean and tidy gives the impression that you have no on-going work and might need more work. You can have that, so here are some tips to keep your desk messy.

Read More…

This is not a chain letter. It was not started decades ago in the Netherlands, nor was it perpetrated centuries ago by some deranged monk on Easter Island (which is highly unlikely in the first place, since EMACS only works on smart display terminals, and they weren’t available on Easter Island back then, due largely to the U.S. state department’s vigorous ban on exportation of advanced technology to deranged monks on equatorial islands).

There is no luck associated with this letter. Hence, it is pointless to send five copies of this letter to people you like. In fact, it is vigorously discouraged, since, by sending this letter through the postal service, you are needlessly burdening an already overworked system. You also increase the chance of the postal service losing mail. Murphy’s Law will take effect here, resulting in your letter being delivered the next day, and a Red Cross package to a needy individual in Zimbabwe to be accidentally re-routed to Hackensack, New Jersey, thus becoming lost forever. You do not stand a chance, however, of displacing any junk mail.

If you break the chain, and fail to send five copies of this letter to other unfortunate individuals, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you. If, on the other hand, you do propagate five copies of this letter, then absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen to you, either.

by the Jabberwock <PM107>
submitted by JRP
How to Get a Date
How to Get the Man/Woman/Other(please state) of your Choice

First locate your target. Your best chance of doing this is by going to one of those wild parties which result in pairs of bodies being strewn all over the stairs within a couple of hours of starting. However, since I never get invited to that sort of party, I’m blowed if I can see why I should help those of you who do. So I won’t. So there.

Having located your target, the next step is to find out where said target lives. This is easily done by following her/him until you reach a door which they go in and lock. This will either be their room or the bathroom, and if you can’t tell the difference then you’re beyond hope.

Next you need to establish contact. Knock on the target’s door, and when it is opened, say, “Excuse me, but I wanted to leave a message for so-and-so upstairs, but he/she/it isn’t in. Can I borrow a pen and paper to leave a note please?” Having borrowed this, make sure that you leave something behind when you go. This means that you can go back and collect it sometime.

    DANGER SIGNS: A wedding or engagement ring.
                  A photo of a stunning individual by the bed.
                  The presence of a stunning individual in the bed.
                  A very rapid ushering out of the room.
                  Phrases such as, "Get lost, you pervert!"
    GOOD SIGNS:   Him/her/it falling into your arms on your next visit.
                  A return visit armed with red rose.

As you can see, there are more danger signs than good signs, so if at first you don’t succeed, don’t worry…there are plenty more toads in the bog! A good strategy is ending up on the doorstep looking very pathetic, which can get you invited in for a coffee so you can work on your chat-up lines. One line you should never use if you want to leave their room with the same number of limbs as you went in with is, “Do you come here often?” It is the target’s room after all.

HAPPY HUNTING!!!

I wish i was as good at pool as the guy in this video !

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 by David Asa Wacks with Hugh Cushing
Hey guys & gals! Are you HARD UP? This simple quiz can let you know how hard you’re going to have to work to get a Valentine. Score yourself as follows: 1 point for each A, 2 points for each B, 3 points for each C, and 10 points for each D.

1.  You are taking a guy/girl on a first date.  How much are you willing

    to spend?

    A.  Guest meal at campus dining services

    B.  $5.00 for a few slices

    C.  A nice Chinese dinner, maybe $25.00 tops

    D.  The price of your physics textbook

2.  Sitting on your dorm steps you spot a potential scoop.  Your first

    course of action is to:

    A.  Start up a lively, interesting conversation

    B.  Use one of your favorite lines

    C.  Propose a temporary marriage - say for the weekend

    D.  Knock him/her over the head with your physics textbook and drag

        him/her back to your friend's single3.  Your definition of "blue balls" is:

    A.  A solid and a stripe in billiards

    B.  Those little styrofoam things on the inside of a beanbag

    C.  A painful need for a cold shower

    D.  Fig. 42, p. 189 demonstrating variable density in your physics

        textbook

4.  If she says, "no" she means:

    A.  No

    B.  Probably not

    C.  Yes

    D.  She's gagged and can't answer

5.  Attendance at campus dining services per 19-meal-a-week allotment

    A.  0-10

    B.  11-14

    C.  15-19

    D.  38 - You steal your roomie's card

6.  Average time spent on toilet seat/day:

    A.  2 min.

    B.  4 min.

    C.  6 min.

    D.  Long enough to read a few pages of physics

7.  Amount of time spent perusing the freshman face book/day

    A.  2-5 min.

    B.  5-7 min.

    C.  7-10 min.

    D.  Fall asleep with it

8.  Qualifications for your blind date:

    A.  No imperfections

    B.  No boy/girlfriend

    C.  No particular desire to be seen with you

    D.  No sarcoma

9.  Typical topic of conversation on blind date:

    A.  Sunsets

    B.  Bork

    C.  How he/she's doing

    D.  Robotics

10. Typical conclusion to blind date:

    A.  Bought a futon together

    B.  Got phone number

    C.  Lost him/her in crowd

    D.  Temporary restraining order

Results:

10-20  You're doin' OK, dude(tte).

21-40  Things could be better.

41-60  Better watch yourself at social functions.

61-100 Yessir, maybe a nocturnal trip to the petting zoo is in order.