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From Engadget Blog:

We guess TomTom was listening when we said it had to respond to Nokia’s Own Voice app for custom turn-by-turn navigation instructions, as the Dutch company has announced a new Darth Vader voice pack. Following in the footsteps of such luminaries as Homer Simpson and Burt Reynolds, the Sith Lord has contributed his vocal stylings to the cause of guiding the lost and confused down the right path. Though it wasn’t without hiccups — check out the video after the break for the recording session — the pack is now complete and ready for download, provided you have $13 handy to smooth the transaction. Yoda, C3PO and Han Solo packs are set to follow in the coming months. May the farce be with you/P

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Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to watch others do. They are called “Speck Tators.”

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do things. They’re called “Comment Tators.”

Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your skin. They are called “Aggie Tators.”

There are those who are always saying they will, but somehow, they never get around to doing. We call them “Hezzie Tators.“

Some people put on a front and act like someone else.They’re called “Emma Tators.”

Then, there are those who walk what they talk. They’re always prepared to stop what they’re doing to lend a hand to others and bring real sunshine into the lives of others. You can call them “Sweet Tators.”

A [not too intelligent] lady walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the lady assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”

“But I always get it here,” says the lady.

“Do you have the container it comes in?”

“Yes!” says the lady, “I will go and get it.”

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”

The annoyed women snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: “To apply, remove cap and push up bottom.”

Now, I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells

awesome

Out of office replies can either be really useful (for you) and really annoying (for the people getting the reply).To keep them from getting too angry (or not angry enough), here are some good responses to provide to people looking to contact you with some humor before you

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The author of the Windows File Copy Dialog visits some friends!

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt”. After this, you can handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in a Shitt-Happens double ceremony.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. Now, when someone says you don’t know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail

I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank

Hotwheels and matchbox car companises are now trading higher then GM in the stock market

Obamba met with small business - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM to discuss the Stimulus Package

McDonalds is selling the 1/2 ouncer.

People in Beverly Hills are forced to fire their nannies and learn their own children’s names

People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethipia are telling kids, “finish your plate, do you know how many kids are starving in America?”

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Any most favorite indicicator of all 

If the bank returns your check marked s “insufficient funds” you have to call and ask them if they meant you or them.

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experiance.

“Oh, I really liked it”, she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just cannot understand why they were killing each other over 25cents? ”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then the rest of the game all they kept screaming was: ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’. I’m like…Helloooo It’s only 25 cents!!!”

Septic clean service - We only deal in Canadian Made …

For Sale: 1 Parachute - never opened used once - slightly stained.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $8 per hour!

Found: Dirty white dog..looks like a rat…smells bad..been out for a while…better be a reward.

Free Puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel - 1/2 sneaker neighbor dog.

Check out more here ->http://blog.bwebcentral.com/831 

As a new young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed wehn performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.  The middle agled lady upon whom I was performing the exam suddenlty burst out laughing and further embarrasing me. I looked up from my work and sheepisly said. “I’m sorry, Was I tickling you?”. She replied. “No Doctor,” but the song your were wistling was

“I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner”